Why Facing What We Avoid Makes Us Stronger
This blog is the first in our October series, The Shadow Side of Leadership: an exploration of the parts of ourselves and our systems that often remain unseen but quietly shape the way we lead.
Think about the last time you overreacted in a meeting, avoided a tough conversation, or felt the need to prove yourself. These moments might feel small, but they’re often clues to something bigger: your shadow at work.
The shadow is the part of us we don’t usually show.
It’s the drive to control dressed up as accountability. Perfectionism hidden behind “high standards.” The impulse to step in and rescue when empowerment would serve better. None of these are failings.
They’re human patterns we’ve learned along the way.
The problem is when they run the show without us noticing. That’s when trust gets eroded, teams disengage, or decisions are made from fear instead of clarity. Leaders who continually ignore their shadow can unintentionally create cultures of defensiveness, overwork, or silence.
Where you might start noticing your shadow
- When someone gives you feedback and you instantly defend yourself.
- When you feel unusually irritated or protective in a discussion.
- When you dismiss a compliment because it feels uncomfortable.
- When stress makes you withdraw, overwork, or tighten control.
These moments aren’t signs of weakness. They’re signposts. The more you notice them, the more choice you have in how you show up.
Micro-practice
At the end of the day, pause for two minutes:
- Write down one moment when you felt reactive or “off balance.”
- Instead of judging it, ask: what part of me was trying to be seen here?
Over time, this builds awareness without shame — the first step to leading with more presence.
Reflection prompts
- What situations trigger your strongest reactions?
- What might you be working hard to hide from others?
- How could your leadership shift if you brought that part into awareness instead of pushing it away?
This is the beginning of our October series on The Shadow Side of Leadership. Next blog, we’ll look at how shadow doesn’t just live in individuals, but in the culture and dynamics of teams.
Images by Brian, Atiyeh Fathi and Eduardo Cano on Unsplash
